One person can’t make marriage work;it must involve the two, if they are willing to make it work.
A queen mother in Africa giving her daughter away in marriage gave her the following advice.I guess we can learn some truths and facts about this woman’s advice to her daughter.Implementation of some of them may look a little bit weird in our modern times, but it shows how typical African women view marriage in the past,and how they think more of stability in the marriage than anything else.In Africa,women are seen as the embodiment of stability and peace in the marriage.
Let us look at what she said:
“My dear daughter, I am giving you away to another person. I do not know what sort of person he is. I am therefore giving you ten rules. If you observe these rules, everything will be well with you. But if you do not pay heed to my advice you will suffer. Take therefore these ten rules seriously and think about them day and night;
- Beware of your husband anger. When he is angry try not to be angry too. Smile at him and answer him with a soft and sweet voice.
- Watch his food and drinks. Try to have his meals ready at the proper time for a hungry man is an angry man.
- When he sleeps guard him and make sure that he is not disturbed for if he doesn’t get a good night‘s rest he may become angry.
- Be thrifty and avoid extravagance. No man likes his money to be wasted. Do not give anything away without your husband’s consent.
- Don’t be anxious to know his secrets; if by chance you know of any, do not divulge them to anyone.
- Find out those whom he likes and like them too. Do not make friends with his enemies.
- Do every –thing he tells you. Never tell him you haven’t said the right thing or my advice is better than yours.
- Do not expect of him any thing that he considers difficult. He may tend to dislike you for asking too much.
- Pay heed to his requests and he will love you and become your slave.
- Be very careful and avoid jealousy. Don’t say anything that may hurt him. If you treat him like a king, he will treat you like a queen.’’
I think the last advice summarized all what this great Queen had known from ages about marriage.She knew that if relationships was to be stable then it will largely depend on the woman.In reality, good relationships are cultivated by the two.One cannot make a relationship,it is the two if they are willing to make it work.For any relationship to exist in a strong and a robust manner,the two must not hide anything from each other unless such secret, when told, is likely to threaten the marriage.You should always keep secret within the marriage,even when you are no longer together.