You must take the risk to disclose yourself in order to become more real, more human. And even if the price is high-Isabelle Adjani
Disclosing secrets in romantic relationship either in a marriage or a relationship leading to marriage can be a nerve- wracking, and can also foster more attraction in a relationship.Revealing secrets can sometimes be very acrimonious and bloody depending on the stage and level of relationship. So one will have to be very careful as to when and where to reveal it, and to determine whether is necessary at all to divulge it.Your motivation of revealing these secrets may stem from guilt which had being held up for years or for fear of your secret being revealed by someone else. Or you resolving to create an atmosphere of honesty in the new found relationship.
Telling your past escapades to your partner is as equally of a great importance as of the future of the relationship. Your past can have a grave consequences on the future or the stability of the relationship. It sometimes shocking and surprising when people go into marriage and don’t even bother to check on the history of their partners, they think it doesn’t matter; it matters. After the issues start coming out and the reality start staring in their faces, then they understand how moron and foolish they had been.I have always been the advocator of not dwelling in the past. But there comes a time when we have to face reality. We should not allow our emotions to cloud our judgement, so we will not make decisions that will have a telling effect on our future. If you really want to marry him, then find out his pasts and adjust yourself accordingly. You should observe and ask questions early so that your judgement can be informed as to whether you will opt out or stay. But if you’re only in for banging, then there is no need to question his past, of which I won’t prescribe this path.
The Importance Of Delving Into The Pasts
-You Avoid Surprises:
Surprises in relationships are as painful as death. You wake up someday, and you realize that your partner you’ve always loved never loved you. He was just taking advantage of you because of certain weaknesses he has detected. Asking meaningful and reasonable questions in the beginning, will help you avoid some of these pitfalls. For example, knowing about your guy having a promiscuous pasts, should give you a fair idea that you are going to be next to be ditched. Unless he has demonstrated beyond all reasonable doubt that he has completely changed from the past.
-You Are Fully Aware Of What You Are Getting Yourself Into:
Now that you know his pasts and are fully aware of it.Gives you the opportunity for several options as to whether to opt out to stay in it.
-It Helps You To Know When To Walk Away:
Your frequent questioning and observations will give you an ample time to learn his patterns of relationship .So any signs of falling back into that old patterns gives you the some time to assess the situation as to whether to call off or to continue with the relationship.
-Sexual Style Preference:
Getting to know his or her sexual history will give you more information about their sexual preferences. Your partner may be of a high sexual frequency individual, who prefers to have sex more. Whiles you may be of a low sexual frequent type who prefers intermittent love making. You may like variety of love making including oral sex etc. Your partner may not like that. So knowing all these will give you a fair Idea how your sexual life can be handled so you won’t destroy the relationship with misunderstanding.
-You Have The Opportunity To Know And To Predict Your Partners Behavior:
One of the greatest lessons every young person dating should never forget is asking much and relevant questions in the beginning of the relationship. Asking right questions gives you the eagle eye and a special third eye, which helps you to foresee the future, and problems far off before they happened.
Things To Reveal (Things You Must Know)
-Past Relationships, And Reasons For Breakup:
You need to know how long he has been in the relationship, what was the course of break up, and how many he has dated. This gives you the preview of the real nature of your partner.There are some guys, who are charlatans, and are so cunning that they will muscle answers to satisfy you at the present. But don’t worry, you will get them. How do you get them? This is how: When you ask the questions never forget the answers and the stories they give you. As you go along, they will be repeating the same stories and check whether those stories have differences as compared to the previous ones. Such guys don’t have good memory, they continue changing their stories.
You need to know how he normally spends his money and what he spends his money on. If he is a drug addict or an alcoholic, then it won’t be surprising that drugs and alcohol will be his biggest ‘sucker’. So check. I believe, very strategic and infinity thinkers always spends their hard earned resources on assets and not liabilities.
What kinds of illness is he suffering currently, and had suffered in the past? As he been involved in a motor accident before? Does he has any hereditary disease or is there a signs of family illness suffered by some family members? Knowing all these are important because of its heavy toll it will have on your emotions and finances. So you should know all these before you make the decision.
-Family History :
Knowing your partner’s family history gives you the opportunity to know whether you will be accepted or you will be comfortable with them. In Ghana, there are a lot of tribes. Some tribes forbid other tribes in allow their sons and daughters into marriage. Mainly because of some experiences, such families have had with a particular tribe. I believe such notions are unnecessary. We don’t need these misconceptions about certain tribes to affect our love life. We need to intermarry so that these tribal barriers will be done away completely.
Your personality is made up of your temperament and your believe system. What you can stand and can’t. To be honest, I find it very difficult to gel with introverts. They seem not to open up, you can’t read them. They seem lukewarm. They don’t like going out. They can’t speak up when their rights are been trampled upon .On the basis of these, I find it very frustrating in gelling with introverts.But I believe when we understand them,we can live with them all our lives So the temperaments are very important when it comes relationships stability and its sustenance.So you have to check through and see which personality type suits you and go for it.
-Philosophies And Believes System:
Philosophy borders on the way you see life. Your world view of life can have an immerse influence on your relationship.You believe in reading, she doesn’t. You believe in monogamy, She doesn’t.You are a pro-life, he is a pro-choice. He believes in LGBT rights, you’re not. Some of these believes system can be kept secretly without your partner’s knowledge until you can stand it no more of hiding your true self. Let him know what your believes and your philosophies are concerning these issues, as quickly as possible before you go too far or you invest your emotions into it.
You’re a gay or lesbian and you are just afraid to tell him about your true self for fear of rejection. Tell him everything, if he really loves you, he will help you with your rehabilitation, if necessary. If not, then I’m sorry you will have to find someone who loves you and can understand you.
We have a lot of baggage’s that we bring into the relationship and some of them are very dangerous and it can destroy the relationship in no time. You will have to know from your partner whether he is addicted to something such as Mustabation, Pornography, Alcoholism,Gambling,Gaming or hooked on any kind of drugs.Some people got married and later realized that their partners were having serious addictions.So do every thing POSSIBLE to make sure your partner is free FROM all addictions before you go to the alter.
You must know whether he has a criminal records either currently or in the pasts. Then you can make inform choices about the future direction of the relationship. You must also tell him about your criminal records, if there are any. But you have to be very tactful of how you go about divulging such informations.
You cheated on your partner and it makes you feel hurt and guilty when you see him.And you want tell him, but you find it difficult? disclosing this kind of of matters can be very dangerous for both parties. The heart breaks and the betrayals can really have a telling effect on the future of the relationship. You should choose a public place when you want make known this secret. So you won’t be hurt in case your partner becomes furious due to over reaction.
Abortion cases you have done in the past should also be made bare.
-Having A Child From Previous Relationships:
You should tell your partner you have a child. Or you should know whether he has one. There are some ladies and gentlemen, who can’t stand their partners having a child somewhere. A lot of people had being in relationship thinking they could cope with this single parent thing and later realized they couldn’t stand and had their relationships got destroyed. So know what suits you and go for it.
Know his sickle cell carrier status and make yours known. So that your pro genies will not be a carrier of some PREVENTABLE genetic diseases.HIV/AIDS statuses, Epileptic diseases, Psychological issues, genetic diseases and many more. All these should be known and dealt with, because of its grave consequences it has on the future of the relationship.
Many people bring a lot of debts into the relationships and it later turns out to threaten the very existence of the relationship. Let your man know you’re in debt, so he will know what he can do with you. But if you hide it until marriage, and it’s later known, it will destabilize the relationship and the trust he has for you will be severely hampered. You should also know his debt history and you should also make your yours known.
Things Not To Disclose
1. Your Bank Accounts:
Your finances should be steered clear off from the relationship.Even if you have money don’t let him know. Some guys are very heartless and don’t care if they dry empty your accounts and leave you penniless.However,if you are sure and you trust him and he is a good man and he wants to take you to alter, then reveal.
2. Curable Disease:
If you have certain debilitating disease that is been cured, then you have to keep your mouth shut to prevent you scaring away your partner .
We are all not perfect, some pasts problems of our partners AND US are too grievous that some may demand a life time suffering and sacrifice for the growth of a new relationship.We need to extend our helping hand, so we can make our partners feel comfortable.Most of these secrets they have, and things they have done in the past may not be their faults, and even if it is their fault,you should use your love for him to cover him up.Love him and you will never regret you did.such dudes have immense wealth of experience in which you can benefit from.Never say because you have found two or three bad pasts so you are breaking up.The only issue here is that there should be a genuine change and nothing else.