The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want’?-Sigmund Freud
I have been an avid reader of Geoffrey Chaucer’s classics,the Canterbury Tales, since child hood.In One of the stories of Chaucer’s classics, was a question that stood tall and the answers given still baffles me as to whether he was correct.
The question was :what do women really want? This question has really got me thinking of late about a few incidents I have had in the past. Some of the answers Chaucer gave which he thinks got close to what women really wants are:money,honor,pleasure,gorgeous clothes,flattery and pampering.He believes when women are reluctant, flattery a lone can win a woman hearts.I believe a chunk of women in Africa and for the rest of the world have tough skins for anything good and soft skin for anything bad. One question I have always asked myself is, where do these ladies get their advises from? Everybody is hurting,deceiving and undercutting some body so they can get ahead; is like cat and mouse scene. If you are a young man and you are not careful you will ruin your emotional life to these women. Most of these ladies think all men are the same and so if you don’t ruin them they will ruin you. This has made the dating scene very dangerous. Chaucer finally came up with an answer of which in my candid opinion will not fit modern views. And he said what women want “is to have power over their men.”In my few years of my living on this terrestrial ball, the opposite of this statement is true in this modern age.The caution here is never give your power to a woman ,if you do ,that will be the end of the game.
When I was a young boy growing up, as a church boy, we were advised to respect women, love them and adore them, and we will have them fall at our feets.
I wonder if these pieces of advises is still relevant in our modern times. As a principled person, since childhood, I followed these advises to the latter.
As a young adult trying to find my feet on the dating scene, was a little bit rugged. I was told just buy them gifts, love them and adore them, and they will fall at your feet. I never knew the dating Scene is a life and death matter. I was told to follow these simple rules, and I will have all the success I want with women, but I was indeed joking. These simple rules have caused me more harm and untold suffering than I can ever imagine.
In the past, I bought them gifts. I loved them. I was in their beg and call 24/7, and yet at my very eyes,guys who mistreated them, beat them and even insult them,and the dirty- like ‘lunatics’ from the asylum, rather court their attention. I sometime sit down and Ask myself, do this dating thing really a thing for the’ lunatics’ or for good people. I therefore realized that if you’re not a ‘lunatic’ in some sense, then turn yourself one before you can succeed in this kind of dating field.
A few years back, I dated a lady and I was treating her good as usual.The more I treated her well, and with respect, the more she misbehaved. As an avid observer and a learner, this scene baffled me the more.So I got close to one of her friends and asked her, “can you tell me how her former boyfriend treated her in the past.” She smiled a bit and patted my back, and said” bad, my dear, bad!!”She continued:” Don, you’re an Angel, you know, this lady had been neglected,mistreated and badly handled, and yet she wants that guy back”.
Initially I thought there was something wrong with me .I did not understand why some women complain that they want good men and when the good men is presented to them,they tend to reject them on the grounds that the package in which such men are packaged was unexpected and unbelievable. I had a few friends who were good on the dating scene,observed me a few times, and they said, “Don, if you will go the way you are going you will get killed”.
As a church boy, I have been robbed of my peace of mind just because I was told to follow rules that has lost touch with reality, and would not be applicable to modernity.
Unfortunately,my convictions about treating women nicely,buying them gifts and adoring them have already been formed, and I a’nt going to change.I’m beyond redemption now.Treating women badly,cheating and molesting them are not my kind of a thing and a philosophy.I trust that women should be careful on these nice dudes, who are noble and have nice intentions, so they won’t hurt them.
Here are few lessons I have learned over the years about women and dating:
1. Every woman that comes into your life should work for your love :sometimes we allow our emotions to get better part of us and we lose control.We just want everything good for our love ones without thinking that they too must contribute and reciprocate.we turn to spoil them by doing everything for them.We virtually carry the relationship on our heads without allowing the other to partake in anything.We are only in love with being in love.They should be partakers and not a bystander or being aloof .
2. Never treat all women the same. The vultures should be treated as such, the dogs and the ungrateful, and the cheats should have the same fate.Any time you get yourself a woman or man,take a few months or days to value him into categories such as gold, diamond and silver.Treat each according to their categories.You can’t give a gold or a first class treatment to someone in silver category.If you do, you will get hurt big time and you may never come back to the dating scene with sound mind again.You will only, but full of bitterness.Remember infinity thinkers do not harbor pains and bitterness of the past in their hearts,its far too costly.Our peace of mind is paramount to us and therefore we will do nothing to jeopardize it.Those who harbor bitterness in their hearts have no peace of mind.
3. Never invest your emotions into some else’s life until you are sure the relationship will go somewhere.You should check thoroughly whether your feelings and your love will be reciprocated.Moreover, the characters and behaviors we find in our prospective partners should be thoroughly examined to see whether we can tolerate them for a long time.
I know people who were damn sure of their relationship going somewhere, and yet the relationship couldn’t see the light of day. Modern women seem to be turning good guys into small devils and ,devils into demons. Do they want guys that will respect them and treat them well or those who will disrespect them?Unfortunately they want guys that will disrespect them, and later complains there are no good men .This question still rings in my ears :” what do women really want”?
BY YOUR MAN
Don Chacon Harder