Have you ever wondered why all the guys you date seem not be what you wanted or good for you?
You want a caring,responsible,hardworking,reliable,trustworthy,faithful, emotionally stable and open partner.But you end up with people who don’t love you much, people who seem distant,emotionally unavailable,controlling,insecure,dishonest,self absorbed and low sexual chemistry.
Alan is a forty-two-year old Medical doctor who wanted to know why he couldn’t find the right partner despite his long search.He said;”I am looking for a faithful,independent,consistent and a successful career woman. But I end up with the opposite.”Women he previously dated like Mercy and Julia were completely opposite of what he wanted.Mercy is sexually damaged,moody,unromantic,explosive temper,stubborn and can’t talk about her feelings.Look at Julia too,She is unromantic,hard time talking about feelings,respectful,rebellious
What influence Alan to date such women despite his liken for women of opposite character?
The problem is EMOTIONAL PROGRAMMING .Emotional programming is simply the various experience that have been acquired over the years that lies in our subconscious mind.These influence us to indirectly make decisions about love and life in general.
Psychologist estimate that between at birth and five years of age we receive about 50 percent of all our emotional programming.Between five and eight years of age we receive 30 percent of your emotional programming.That means,by the age of eight, we are 80 percent programmed,psychologically.In other words, 80 percent of our decisions about ourselves and others have already been made.
Between the ages of eight and eighteen,we receive 15 percent more of our emotional programming.So by age 18, we are 95 percent done!That leaves us with 5 percent for the rest of our lives.This may not seem like much, but it is this 5 percent that will be to used to change our lives.Probably, you may try to understand why 5 percent of your conscious mind says;”I want a wonderful partner who loves me and treat me well,” it is this same 95 percent of mind that is unconscious which is responsible for making your poor choices.
Once you understand why you’ve been doing what you’ve been doing,you will be free to change your behavior permanently.
There are many ways in which your emotional programming can have effect on whom you choose to love.Here are some of the reasons you might end up with a particular partner.
Returning to the familiar:
As humans ,we are attracted toward the familiar.As humans, we like to drive the same cars,wear the same brand of shoes, we support our football teams all over again despite some losses.Returning to something familiar is a basic instinct that gives our lives a sense of continuity and belonging.Unfortunately, this instinct can work against us.
Here is how it works:When you were a child,your home was a source of safety and love.It’s a place of learning, ,and a place of belonging.A place of sheltering from the ‘enemies’ attacks.If your home is full of confusion,divorces,strives,and a undetermined and lazy atmosphere,is still your home and that is where you were brought up.So you associate love with home, and with other situations based on your experiences at home.
Let’s look at some examples of how our experiences we encountered during our childhood affected us emotionally ,and how it influences us in making decisions about love:
1.If your parents made you promises,during childhood, and they did not keep it or they let you down constantly.
sometimes he didn’t show up at events when he’s invited, let say an open day.The decision your mind and the programming makes about this events is that you’re unlovable and that men should not be trusted.You then translate this into your love life by believing that men whom you trust will eventually disappoint you or men are generally irresponsible.
2.You never saw your Dad being loving and affectionate towards your mother.
He comes to the house late in the night or had another woman. The decision your emotional programming does is to engrave it in your brain which gives you a perpetual signal that marriage kills sexual excitement and that women have to work hard and suffer for love, and that having mistresses is more appealing. You translate this into your love life, by unconsciously chasing men and women who have no interest in you or you follow people who are unavailable.
3.You were brought up in a strict religious, and the perpetual fear of sinning environment.
In your programming ,its places fear of being romantic or you’re just afraid talking about sex.In your loving relationship you see sex as something sin and something one shouldn’t talk about.Any time your partner talks about sex you seem to see him as degenerate. You feel guilty about talking about sex.
4.Your parents were divorced,and ever since you never saw your Mother or your Dad again.
Nobody told you what was the reasons for their divorce.Your good old programming records it as you are the reason for their divorce.So You never forgave yourself.You see yourself as a trouble maker.In your love life ,you see yourself as unlovable and you normally exhibit low self-esteem ,because you think you can never do things right.
5.You had a step mother or father who hated you.
You programme it as people who are supposed to love you betrayed you and neglected you.In your love life,you don’t trust any man because you know eventually they will leave you.
Countless of similar situations that you yourself can identify that had inadvertently affected your love choices.
But there is good news.All is not lost .According to a Chinese wise saying
whenever you realized you’re sleeping then you’re half a wake.
There is hope
We can use this five percent that we have now to rule the 95percent.Look at the British ,they were of a small nation of people and yet they ruled billions of people,cultures and lands in the past.
Look at china,they have only a hand full of communist leaders and yet they make laws and rules billions of people.This is how you are going to tackle this problem by using tools and skill at your disposal.You must use the 5 percent untapped programmed to free yourself from the ‘prison’ you’ve gotten yourself into now.
Last of all,just do this assignment in your own free time.Write all the names of people you have dated so far.Then beneath their names write all their Characters they exhibited during the course of the relationship.You will realize that some behavior runs through them.That is your emotional programming.
Now that you’ve known the truth about yourself,go to work .Insist on what you want.Occasionally, these past programming will force you to concede.Stand on your grounds just like people who want to be celibate for religious reasons, they stand on their ground despite temptation.
Infinity thinkers know what they want and nothing else will stand on their your way.Go and look for
that love one that has eluded you for a long time,they’re waiting for you.